by Brandy D. Anderson
It’s finally a new year! Most people seem to agree that 2016 has been pretty darn rotten, and I don’t think many of us are sorry to see it go! One thing that always manages to shed a little light even in the darkest times is humour, and boy, can we use it! The four Tweeters below have accounts full of original comedy, political satire, and silly jokes to help break through any residual ugginess left over from a long year!
About: “Jewish American Disney Princess ”
If biting humour is your thing, you’ll love OhNo She Twitnt. The pinned tweet reads, “’Mom, tell me about 2016.’ Well, honey, people were upset about a woman’s emails so we let Nazis take over”. In addition to tweeting her own amusing thoughts, she also posts some great retweets: “Sophia Benoit: sorry if one loaf of french bread lasts you more than a day. sorry if your life is sad and lonely like that” and “beth loves cake, so: TRUMP: So where is the Nuclear button or whatever? OBAMA: (hands him a Staples big red EASY button) uh…there you go buddy.”
I’m not sure if she is actually friends with 1990s’ heartthrob actor Devon Sawa, or if they legitimately razz each other through tweets, but there’s a recent amusing exchange of insults between the two: “OhNoSheTwitnt: Apparently I have bronchitis which I can only assume is caused by inhaling the toxic mansplaining of bros”, “devon sawa: unfortunately for us your inability to talk may cause you to tweet more. Let’s all pray for a speedy recovery”, “OhNoSheTwitnt: He’s actually right for once”, “devon sawa: *she quickly huddles with her team of writers*”. More political snark includes: “[Hillary attends inauguration] She’s normalizing Trump! [Hillary doesn’t attend] She’s a sore loser! [Hillary gets a dog] She hates cats!” She tackles Trumps’ DTS missive: “Didn’t know when Trump said he’d drain the swamp he meant to fill it up with toxic waste but at least it’ll create some scary supervillains”. She gets in another jab, this time pointed at news anchors: “Megyn Kelly is leaving Fox News to go to NBC, presumably after learning that Santa is a fictional character and doesn’t have to be white”. OhNoSheTwitnt posts often, usually numerous times a day.
About: “Don’t click on that. I already did. Shorty Award winner. I’m just one guy (@jakebeckman) trying to help. Also @SavedYouATrick ”
This account is not only hilarious, but it’s also one of the most useful ones to boot! Here, you’ll find condensed versions of popular news stories around the web, and they’re almost always funny. The most serious tweet you’re likely to find is the currently pinned post bearing the sad, but true, news that “fake news is the next evolved form of clickbait”. A better example of this account’s typical fare is the tweet today from Senator Bernie Sanders’ session in the U.S. Senate for Budget & Start of Health Care Law Repeal. In the real session, Sanders used a reproduced tweet from President-Elect Donald Trump printed onto a large poster board as a visual aid, but in the Saved You A Click version, they’ve changed Trumps’ tweet to read, “shits’ fucked up”.
They retweeted TIME magazines’ teaser, “Watch what happens when you throw an iPhone 7 off the world’s tallest building”, adding the spoiler that “It breaks”. Some of the tweets are practical, like this quick rundown of a healthy eating list: “Omelet. Frittata. Steak and eggs. Fried eggs. Eggs with herbs (nice). Get it yet? Eggs, not bagels. RT @TIME: 15 low carb breakfast ideas”. Some posts even give quick news bytes: “France. RT @HuffingtonPost: This country just made every citizen an organ donor, unless they opt out”. Saved You A Click also sums up political news, “Romney, Giuliani, Petraeus, Corker. Kellyanne Conway names @realDonaldTrump’s 4 likely secretary of state picks http:// politi.co /2ghkNw5 ”. And you’ll even find the occasional reminder of grammatical rules, like this recent tweet, “yall – faith spotted eagle is her name she a native american activist..u don’t need to put it in quotes” [sic]. They tweet often, but there’s no particular pattern to the frequency of postings.
About: “Blood type: A Negative Nancy.. think804.com”
Jason’s tweets run the gamut of humour, from funny one-liners to snarky observations to off-the-wall remarks, but they’re always entertaining. His pinned tweet raises an important question: “How do we know dogs are chasing their tails and not running from their heads?” Some of his jokes involve pictures, like one from this past New Year’s Eve where he asks, “Can I turn it back on yet?” – the photo is of a label from electronics store Best Buy dating back to Y2K. The sticker reads, “REMEMBER: Turn your computer off before midnight on 12/31/99”.
This New Year’s Eve he also retweeted his own tweet from New Year’s Eve 2015: “Such a relief to know that a new year brings an end to racism, ignorance, and the degradation of our planet”. He contemplates different career choices: “Aside from sticking my arm into a cow’s backside, and maybe getting up before 10, I totes could be a farmer”. Remember that oddball humour I mentioned? Well, here’s a good example of that: “Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds stare into each other’s eyes from opposite sides of the same window, mustaches pressed against the glass”. Or there’s this: “The garbage man always gets mad when he finds the drawings he made for me out on the curb”. Because they aren’t enough good meat jokes out there, he observed: “Chicken tenders are the most nurturing of all chicken cutlets”. I’ll leave you with this JasonLastname-ism: “Weird how if you walk into a car dealership naked and ask for an oil change they automatically assume you’re not talking about your car”. He tweets often, but will occasionally take a few days off at a time.
About: “~~~~Sweden’s 8th funniest comedian. ~~~~ ‘Skilfully delivered absurdist musings’ Three Weeks ‘Olaf Falafel is an idiot’ Steve Bennett, Chortle. olaffalafel.com ”
Let’s see, how do we start talking about what kind of content you’ll find here? I think the pinned tweet really says it all. You’ll learn “How to make your own realistic talking Donald Trump puppet” by watching a short Vine video: you cut a crescent roll in half, blow up a fart balloon, print out a Donald Trump cut-out (bald of course), then you fit his bald head into the cut of the crescent roll, slice a line where his teeth would open, and the mouth of the whoopee cushion goes through the lips, and there you have it – your very own, pastry toupee’d, Trump.
For more President-Elect humour, you only need to look a little bit further to find a photo of Trump sitting with his laptop, looking at a zoomed inlet of his “2017 To Do List: Build Wall, Drain Swamp, Put Hilary in Prison, Get Putin on Mount Rushmore, Swap Liberty’s Torch for Huge Ice Cream”. There are fun word play puns: “Forming an orderly Q was the first thing we learned at sign writing school”. You’ll find silly jokes that still somehow make you laugh, like this one, “If the makers of Head & Shoulders ever make a shower gel they should call it Knees & Toes”. In case you were wondering, “All sports become crazy when you add a windmill”. One of my favourites, though, is this gem: “I thought I’d finally overcome my addiction to performing stunts from cowboy movies but today I fell off the wagon”. He usually tweets at least a few times a day.