3 Twitters to Crack You Up

       by Brandy D. Anderson

Source: Tammcd

Twitter is notorious for being a platform that can elicit a lot of heated debates. However, what people often overlook is how many funny accounts are also housed on Twitter. You can find memes, traditional jokes, hilarious gifs, pretty much any kind of humour you’re into. These three accounts are often overlooked, but they’re hilarious and they have a good mix of humorous mediums.

 

Fake Science

Source: katno

34,400 Followers

About: “For when the facts are too confusing. Discover more at (link: http://fakescience.org) fakescience.org.”

This account is highly amusing, the admin has a real knack for taking scientific jargon and inserting ridiculous “alternative facts” into the text. This is primarily done in the format of memes (often set to wholesome 1950s’ magazine drawings) and it’s always quite funny. One recent meme: “Yes! Drink Your Meals. Finally, your teeth can be free for other fun activities. Chance to spill your entire meal on your body. Blending food will conceal your love of eating cow faces.”

Another meme: “Other aspiration bones. There’s more the wishbone in poultry anatomy! Pygostyle: Grind this to a paste to seduce your mail carrier. Sternum: Eat with hummus to smite your uncle. Phalanges: Press this on your lips to feel again.” A meme featuring a coal miner holding a large green Jello mould, enticingly being offered up to the “camera” is captioned: “A special message: Every day, thirteen miners die unearthing our Jello salads. Say thank you to a miner today.” The following meme depicts a metals worker in a hardhat, both hands in buckets full of green fluid: “Shop safety: Alan protects his hands from the saw. He puts them in acid-filled beakers that *instantly * dissolve metal.”

“Swimming ‘Don’ts’: Putting your head under water is a good idea, but *not * while pondering man’s inhumanity to man. | Because Theresa didn’t check where she was diving, her torso is now stuck in another dimension. | Polly is so focused on stroke technique, she forgot to leave her katana in the locker room.” This following meme might be my favourite, although it’s difficult to choose because there are so many good ones. “Geologic Hammer: Crucial tool to destroy the rocks that betrayed you, the rocks that said they’d never hurt you, the rocks you found on a date with Sheryl at that French restaurant on the night she said she was ‘busy washing her rock collection’.” You’ve probably already gathered this, but truly the best thing about this account is how unique and creative it is.

 

Pat Tobin

Source: thesuccess

105,400 Followers

About: “Live Más. https://t.co/XxhCQlRfCA?amp=1”

This account is an absolute gem. The tweets are just a regular guy making funny observations, but the delivery is just hilarious and makes me literally laugh out loud. I’ll share some examples: “Love to enjoy the first few bites of soup and then spend a half hour stirring and fishing around in the broth trying to find something, anything to eat.” Here’s another tweet many people can identify with: “I think of like the 5,000 times I’ve called my wife in the 14 years we’ve been together, she’s maybe picked up twice.”

This is a favourite of mine: “Sitting in a theater waiting to see Midsommar and the lights are all off, screen is off, silent. I thought oh maybe this is a social experiment by the producers to make viewers feel tense and anxious before the movie. Nah, just was told it’s only a power outage.” All of us who have made road trips understand the struggle of finding a decent place to eat whilst not losing too much time by straying too far from the highway. The struggle is real: “Imagine stopping at a highway service area that has Taco Bell, McDonald’s, Subway, Chipotle and Dunkin Donuts, and choosing to go with Sbarro.”

This one ends in such a delightfully unexpected way: “ME: my friend’s baby way born OLD LADY: Oh how wonderful! What was the weight and height? ME: idk it’s the size of a baby OLD LADY: [eyes turn all black] WHAT WAS THE WEIGHT AND HEIGHT, MORTAL?” Here’s one for X-Files fans: “After the first few minutes of every episode of the X-Files, when the monster or spooky thing that the episode is about gets revealed, I turn to my wife and say “that’s…weird.” She loves it.” I could go on and on, this is definitely an account to follow if you like relatable, everyman humour, ala Seinfeld.

 

Eric Curtin

Source: thesuccess

376,200 Followers

About: “Follow my personal acct: @_ericcurtin”

Curtin’s account is a an amusing mix of text and images, and they’re always funny. His current pinned tweet is captioned, “Just thinking about my crush … wish she would text me :'( ”, and the corresponding image shows the back of a man, all clad in black, standing in the corner of a stark white room in shame. Another tweet starts off with the following commentary: “I forced a bot to watch 1000 hours of Jersey Shore, than [sic] asked it to write its own episode here u go”, and then you see an image of a script that goes like this: “INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT. Paul and Vinnie are at the hospital. JWOWW enters. JWOWW: What are you doing at the hospital? PAUL: There’s girls here. VINNIE: Hot girls. Paul: Yeah, he said it. Paul starts doing laundry. He has a gun.” There’s a second page to the script, too, don’t worry.

Are you attending university? If so, there are some tips here for you to consider: “College students! here’s some tips on how to make microwave ramen taste better: -add veggies -boil water, don’t microwave -drop out of college -steal a horse -go back home with your new horse, terrorize the town -get arrested for horse crimes -life in jail -add an egg.” You’ll find some odd little fun facts here, like this one: “friendly reminder that M Night Shyamalan wrote Stuart Little”. There are a lot of quirky tweets like these two: “I’m the only goth person in this Nordstrom Rack” and “It’s crazy how Mr. Brightside ended racism”.

Here’s a meme that I think many of us can relate to: there are two separate circles, one reads, “People who say, ‘Don’t throw out those old bananas! We can make banana bread.” The other circle reads, “People who have actually ever made banana bread”. Do you like a light political name drop? “Just removed Barack Obama from my close friends list on IG. His vibes are off lately.” There’s a very curious image of a Garda police officer in an interrogation room, but the perp is highly unusual – it’s a fluffy, very cute, shaggy dog who is looking rather forlorn at being in the hot-seat. Curtin added, “Free him. He’s innocent.” If you like edgy and offbeat humour, this is the account for you, but a word of warning: there are some tweets that are definitely not kid friendly or safe for work.